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[AKidsRight.Org] NPR/California Supreme Court on Relocation / Letter from Lowell Jaks / Superheroes in Canada?

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From: AKidsRight.Org Webmaster (webmaster@AKidsRight.Org)
Date: Wed Jun 02 2004 - 19:42:34 EDT

This is a message from the AKidsRight.Org mailing list.  Unsubscribe instructions at bottom of message.
Good People & People of Faith,

This message contains info on:
1. National Public Radio - drive time story on relocation of parents.
2. More words from "super heroes" in Canada - about EQUAL parenting.
3. Write to Lowell Jaks - a parent in jail.

1. National Public Radio - drive time story on relocation of parents.
Many of you may have heard the following story on the radio yesterday.
We encourage you to follow the link below to the NPR site where you
can actually hear the audio of the story.  There are also links to the
Court decision for you legal folks!

[ MOST IMPORTANTLY - listen to the "sound bites" of the opposing views.
Whether it is from Divorce or Child Protective Services action, when
the "system" steps into your family life the "losing" parent is always
presented as someone who does not care, who has a "tenuous"
relationship with their child....  You can SAY you care about your
kids till your blue in the face, but as they say "actions speak louder
than words."   In our last message we gave you the story of Spiderman,
a parent who climbed a crane and risked jail -- just to demonstrate how
much he loved his daughter and wanted more contact with her!

You'll here a lot about "best interest of the child" -- let's all try
to remember.  That is up to YOU as parents, until you are proven unfit
(as we are reminded in #2 below). ]

"A California Supreme Court ruling turns years of child-custody case
law on its head.  Traditionally, the custodial parent, often the
mother, had broad discretion to make decisions for the children,
including where they would live. But the state's high court has
informed custodial parents that they risk losing their children if
they try to relocate. NPR's Elaine Korry reports."

2. More words from "super heroes" in Canada - about EQUAL parenting.
Sent: May 29, 2004 10:36 PM 

> I attended an information session earlier this week, presented by a
> Social Worker regarding Custody and Access.  It was held in
> Burlington, west of Toronto in Canada.

> After the presentation, during a question and answer period, I stood
> up and introduced myself as being a proud member of
> Fathers-4-Justice.  Immediately people in the audience responded
> with applause and cheers.  F4J is now very well known everywhere.
> (I made sure I had my dark blue suit on with white shirt, red tie
> etc., complete with brief case, as I did not wish to let our side
> down).
> I drew everyone's attention [although they already knew] to the
> current heroic demonstrations everywhere, including the recent
> heroic Purple Flour incident in the House of Commons in England.
> There were more cheers.  By the way, the audience comprised of men
> and women, young and old and all were unanimously united on our side
> for true justice and equality.

> ... The Social Worker commented that he sensed intense anger and
> frustration from the audience.  (Well it did not take a rocket
> scientist to figure that one out). 

> I then responded to a statement made by the Social Worker where he
> stated that, "Approximately 80% to 90% of Custody and Access issues,
> after being discussed between separating parents, are resolved
> without court intervention." 

> I stated that in 1987, at the time of my separation and divorce, I
> was told that I did not have a "Hope in Hell" of obtaining "50/50
> Equal Shared Parenting as in Joint Physical Custody" of our two
> children.  Therefore, I should just accept my ex-wife's demands and
> be quiet.  ... I explained to the Social Worker that a "gun was held
> to my head" by being told that I had "lost before I had even
> started" ... I explained my case was in the 80% to 90% zero
> litigation simply because I was told that I would not win true
> "50/50" custody.

> I asked the Social Worker if he agreed with any government
> legislation that would automatically give "50/50 Equal Shared
> Parenting as in Joint Physical Custody of the Children" to both
> parents, in order to treat them both completely equally and for the
> sake of the Children.  The only exception of course is where the
> mother or the father may be a genuine threat to the safety of the
> Children.

> ... The Social Worker again disagreed with my suggestion of
> automatic "50/50 Equal Shared Parenting as in Joint Physical
> Custody."
> He did say there has been the occasional instance where he had
> recommended true "50/50" custody although I personally believe that
> you could count those occasions on one hand...

> Anyway, to move on with more pleasant thoughts, I have just mailed
> in a completed form, along with my subscription to F4J in the UK, in
> order to show my appreciation of their fabulous efforts.  I hope I
> am not out of line in mentioning this, but if anybody else wishes to
> do the same, (nobody asked me to do this), the form can be found at
> the following site:


> ...I advise women that they may never see their Grand-children if
> they have an unreasonable and hostile Daughter-In-Law.  Those cases
> are becoming more common every day.  Of course, sometimes a Mother
> can also become a very sad victim of this corrupt system in the very
> same way that we have become victims.  I know of some genuine cases
> where Mothers have been unable, through no fault of their own, to
> see their Children.

> I advise both men and women to join us.  I never miss an opportunity
> to give anyone our web-site addresses saying, "check it out and keep
> it handy".

> As I am residing in Canada, I have joined 'F4J Canada' and I will
> also be sending a donation.  I have joined via the following
> web-site address:

> Terry   -   Toronto  Tel: 416-466-5200

3. Write to Lowell Jaks - a parent in jail.
John Murtari, our group Coordinator, wanted to share a letter he
received from Lowell Jaks.  A parent who took their child and
left the Country.  Some background at:

Lowell started ANCPR, Alliance for Non-Custodial Parent's Rights,

We don't endorse what he did.  It is a crime.  He should be punished.
But all of us know the anguish of being separated from our children,
and perhaps similar thoughts we've had to "make things better." ...

Is Lowell a bad man - NO!  Is he a bad parent - NO! Perhaps many of us
have thought about doing the same thing at times, but didn't.  Not
because we were any 'better' -- but because we were just cowards.  His
actions probably can't be defended (we don't know all the details),
but they should motivate each of us to fix this system of ours that
makes parents do crazy things like this.  And obviously the "crazy"
things just don't include Lowell, but probably his former spouse who
found advantage in the 'system' of playing 'keep away' with their
child.  Who also didn't recognize the value of Lowell to their
child....  what an awful system!  Is any of this in the "child's best

We don't need to agree with what he did, but certainly let's show him
our compassion.  Jail can be a lonely place.  One of the greatest
things to get is a letter! He did NOT ask, but we are sure a few
dollars would be welcome. Most of us think $5 or $10 doesn't do much.
Well, it is a big help when you are in jail. Do not send checks, just
postal money orders written to his name.

> LOWELL JAKS 1608237  F-405

"Thank you so much for your letter. And also, thank you for the $10 you
included. A precious few have written to me, each appreciated greatly.
I am not surprised that news and discussion of me has receded - you
of all people, I'm sure, are aware of how lonely is the effort to
raise awareness of the issues we face.

I have already accepted a 'deal'.  I'll get a year in county jail,
followed by two years probation. I have avoided doing much explaining
of my actions.  That is because my motivations were extremely
personal, and I doubt that the particulars of my situation are really
applicable or pertinent for others.  With the way things work here, a
year may mean that I'll be out of jail before Thanksgiving, perhaps
even sometime in October.  Of course, there is always the possibility
that Federal authorities could arrest me and try me for federal
charges as well.  If that were to happen, and I were convicted, there
could be a lot more time in a federal penitentiary.  Only time will

I am actually doing quite well here in jail.  As I'm sure you know,
jail is actually quite liberating.  I even have people who wash and
fold my underwear for me, at the county's expense!  It's really
amazing how many people are faced with family law issues here in jail.
I would say most are.  One observation, which is apropo -- most of the
guys are fine with flaunting the laws with respect to drugs and
alcohol, yet to risk incarceration because of a protest action on
child support, or some other family law issue would, I'm sure, be out
of the question.  Isn't that really the problem though?  Self
centered, self absorbed, hedonism, consumerism, etc. -- It blocks one
off from what is real -- from what really matters.

I don't have any family near to where I am incarcerated -- no
visitors. I have received mail from my father, one of my brothers, and
my oldest daughter.

Most people in our society. I believe, are frightened by anyone who
steps outside the law.  Most people would rather forget such an
"outlaw" and therefore relegate such a one to the status of a
'non-existant' or 'non-person'.  Its a little like most people's
attitude toward death- best kept at a distance.

I treat this time - I conceptualize this time - as if I had taken vows
in a monastery.  It really isn't much different.  In truth, I have
often thought of living as a monk.  The stories of those who have had
themselves sealed off in a cave for years had held appeal for me since
I was very young.  In my meditations, shortly before embarking on this
most recent path.  I was able to achieve a degree of attunement that
felt as if I could really maintain equipoise, even in a jail -- even
if all the trappings of ego had been stripped away.  Subsequent events
have confirmed that this is indeed so.  Spiritually, then, these
events have constituted a kind of initiation.  You may think of this
time as one of a lesson in detachment.  Can one look upon all as one
-- without differentiating as to status, etc.?  Can one do the same as
to any vicissitude?  Jail in the Dominican Republic is a particularly
apt place to find out the truth!  Miami Dade county jail is another.

I am not allowed any contact whatsoever with my son.  I expect that in
a month or so that may change.  Before we left on this adventure,
while we were discussing the possibility of leaving -- I had let him
know that if we were caught, we would be separated for a long
time. He's very resilient -- a real 'go with the flow' kind of a kid.
I'm glad we did what we did.  I'm proud of what I did.  I went a head
with this action, not out of vengeance, but out of the conviction that
it was the right thing to do, under the circumstances.

When I look at the current state of affairs with respect to Family
Law.  I am forced to conclude that there is no hope of any significant
reform.  Look at the size and ubiquity of the Child Support Industry.
Look at the size of the additional industry surrounding custody
issues.  Look at the size and proliferation of the entire legal and
social edifice surrounding Domestic Violence issues.  We got there
because few people any more are even capable of critical thought.  We
are a culture driven by emotionalism and utilitarianism.  This leads
to a system in which the ends justify the means, with zero tolerance
becoming the norm.

There is also a very sordid side to all of this.  I would make
argument that the entire edifice of modern family law -- which, by the
way, is wholly and entirely new, as of the institution of so-called
"no fault divorce" in the late 70's -- has one motivation and only
one.  That is, to legitimate adultery by women.  Every single law
giver in the history of mankind has warned of this - from Moses to
Manu.  This has led to a wholesale denigration of fatherhood on a
scale never before seen.  It's no ones fault.  It's merely a
reflection of the times in which we are living.  We are in a time of
decline, and there is nothing you can do about it.  In times like this
the only sensible advice is that proffered by Buddha - his last words
- "Seek your own salvation, diligently."

Again, thank you so much for writing me, John! "

Lowell Jaks
webmaster@AKidsRight.Org               "A Kid's Right to BOTH parents"
Toll Free (877) 635-1968(x-211)        http://www.AKidsRight.Org/

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