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[AKidsRight.Org] Aug 15th - trying to meet Sen. Clinton / Focus of Reform / Your FEEDBACK

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From: AKidsRight.Org Webmaster (
Date: Fri Jul 29 2005 - 10:16:28 EDT

Good People & People of Faith,

This message has info on:

1. August 15th - Resuming effort for meeting with Senator Clinton
2. Our Goal, Our Focus, Our Team, Our Method - what, where, who, how?
3. Your FEEDBACK - on equal parenting.
4. Your FEEDBACK - on our Happy Father's Day message.

1. August 15th - Resuming effort for meeting with Senator Clinton

The effort to meet with Senator Clinton will resume. John Murtari has
been stopped from even attempting to enter the building to petition
his Senator regarding Civil Rights.  Efforts on the outside of the
building have been blocked by Federal authorities willing to designate
considerable man power to avoid any arrest (see link above).

He will try to enter the building at 2pm on the 15th and hopes to be
allowed to continue (your presence is welcome and will help send a
message of support to the Senator).  If he is again blocked at the
door, after discussion, the plan will be to do some 'unannounced' (but
as always peaceful & NonViolent) activities outside the building.

    "This effort has been going on for years and it is time for that
    meeting with Senator Clinton.  To show our faith in the power of
    NonViolent Action and bring Civil Rights protection to families.

    I'm willing to be involved in peaceful action that might result in
    a jail sentence of months -- your support by way of
    calling/writing the Senator is welcome!  I find it most
    objectionable that a person asking for Civil Rights protections is
    'pushed away' by security officers from approaching their US
    Senator, but is not charged with any offense."

A public meeting with Senator Clinton would certainly put reform on
the National Agenda. Your help and advice is welcome. Feel free to
contact John directly (jmurtari@AKidsRight.Org, 877-635-1968,x-211),
but PLEASE, review the link above first and read the background. 

2. Our Goal, Our Focus, Our Team, Our Method - what, where, who, how?
Like some of you we monitor a lot of different mailing lists.  At
times it's a little overwhelming.  Is reform that complicated? There
has been so much lately on the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA). Is
that really where our efforts should be?  Are we again showing that we
are good at being 'against' something -- but still don't know what we
are 'for' ?

** Our Goal - We have a GREAT Right to be with our kids. There ought 
to be a "significant barrier" the system has to cross before they can
interfere with our family life.

We are not looking for MORE laws, but protections. A parent should

1) The right to counsel.

2) The right to be presumed innocent, a fit parent, and deserving of
an being an equal parent to your kids.

3) The right to protection of a jury.  The "state" needs to prove you
were a demonstrated serious and intentional threat to your child and
get a unanimous verdict from 12 other parents.

** Our Focus - Your Federal Legislature (The Congress of the United States).  
A place where the will of the people can be made manifest. While we do
recognize the present efforts of many in State Government and in the
State/Federal Courts are useful - what about:

The US Constitution -- Let's be simple.  As many times as I've read it
I find NO REFERENCE that protects my right to be a parent.  I see
CLEAR REFERENCES to freedom of SPEECH, RELIGION.  The right to a jury
in Civil/Criminal cases is clearly laid out.  They even went out of
their way, in the 3rd Amendment (remember that one?) to say:

"No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without
the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be
prescribed by law."

The Constitution was a product of its time to overcome injustices of
its time.  None of the Founding Fathers could have imagined the present
family law system that exists today.  The 'right' of a Social Worker to
come into your home, and walk out with your children.

Yes, there are some wonderful 'derivative' arguments that can be made.
But that is what they are 'derivative.'   We have a GREAT Civil Right
that needs to be recognized and then protected.  All the GREAT Civil
Rights were made manifest by the will of the people -- not defined by
some Court.

In our Legislatures, we 'command' change.  In a Court, we 'ask.'

Finally, look at history, Women, and the Right to Vote. Take a look at
http://www.AKidsRight.Org/civil_back.htm -- we all know the
Constitution was amended to give women the Right to Vote. But do we
know that for more than 50 years before that, a LOT of arguments were
made that the Constitution already supported that.  Court cases were
launched to prove that.  They failed.

** State's Rights - While there are certainly some aspects of the
detailed implementation of Family Law that belong at the State level.
Do any of us really believe that our State Legislatures should have
the power to define our ability to be parents to our own children?

What/who makes something a Civil/Human Right?  So many people ask
this.  How about the words in the Declaration of Independence: "We
find these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal;
they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights..."

Your belief can make a right.  Certainly, those words in the
Declaration 'sound nice' -- but the people that signed it backed it up
by their actions.  They were ready to sacrifice much, some lost there
very lives to support those words.

** Our Team - By the rhetoric you read on the Internet, there seems to 
be several groups of parents and agendas:

EQUAL Custody - parents went through a divorce/separation. 
Child Abuse Reform - parents who lost kids to social services.
Child Abuse Reform - single parents who lost kids to social services,
  but still don't want the other parent to be an EQUAL parent.
Child Support Reform - folks who are getting their pockets picked.
Father's/Mother's BEST! - groups who think primary custody should go
  to one or the other based on gender.

One can't help but wonder -- who are we and what do we want? I'm sure
if you asked any members of the groups above they would tell you they
are 'equal opportunity'.  But are you Dads going to rush to a
Mothers-4-Justice rally?  Moms, are you up for a Father's Empowered

Should we begin to see reform as a "Parents/Children" issue?  How
about a little 'marketing' -- if our product is 'reform', why would
you make half the potential 'buyers' feel uncomfortable at your 'store'?
Not to sound discriminatory -- but maybe we all need to think about
who we want to stand with and differentiate ourselves.  This may
actually help some of the efforts grow.

Some of the group names are confusing.  There are many Father's and
Mother's Rights groups that are for EQUAL custody, but the name is a
distraction. It inhibits the other gender from buying their 'product.'

When we think of our group, AKidsRight.Org, we are hopefully folks in
the first two groups.  The Custody reform people don't usually see a
coalition with the Child Abuse parents -- but if we think at the GREAT
RIGHT level.  The presumption of fitness to be a parent, and the
protection of a Jury -- it works to solve problems members of both
groups experienced.  Limiting the power of government to interfere in
Family Life (A Civil Rights movement).

I'd like to stand with those people and have them next to me!

** Our Method - NonViolent Action, http://www.AKidsRight.Org/civil.htm

We are NOT violent.  No yelling, no name calling.  We treat everyone:
Judges, lawyers, and yes, even our "ex" with courtesy and respect.  We
believe that by demonstrating our Faith, Love, and willingness to
Sacrifice -- we can bring positive change.  We use the methods most
recently demonstrated by Gandhi & Martin Luther King.

As people we define GREAT rights, in the past that has required
tremendous personal sacrifice from some.  Stop 'telling' me how much
you love your kids, how great an injustice was done you.  'Show' me --
by your willingness to give up everything else of value in your life.

All a tall order, but within our grasp.

3. Your FEEDBACK - welcome!

--- Shelly Barreras <>   "March to Parliament help"

> I just wanted to send a photo of what I peacefully did last week for
> the "March to Parliament" although in NM and not Canada. I talked to
> lots of folks and hopefully informed a few. I had a nice calm debate
> with a family law attorney that was interesting. John, keep fighting
> the good fight and may God bless you as you do.

Thanks for the message and the picture!  Will share them with the
folks in the group. [Sorry, picture was lost - Ed.]

--- Barbara Fargen <>  "Hidden agenda?"

> Be real careful Mr. Murtari, you are beginning to show your true
> agenda, you are backing all the fathers rights groups out
> there. Warren Farrell is one of the top "dogs" of the fathers rights
> movement. Looks like you are backing fathers rights which has
> nothing to do with kids rights. www.xe fathers .org??? Fathers
> rightster!!!

> The Good Mothers of this country might begin to see through what you
> really are and what you are really pushing. Fathers Rights! Yes we
> need reform to stop these violent, abusive men from getting custody
> of our children.

Got your message and sorry for the delay in getting back to you.  I
assume you are on our mailing list, our group is for EQUAL parenting
for mom and dad.  The rest of the message below was pretty clear on
that.  I also get email from 'father's rights' folks telling me I am
with the 'other' side.  Our group is made up of parents.

--- Dennis <>  "Equal Parenting"

> EQUAL PARENTING  - 2 words 5 syllables but very powerful  

- It is what we are when our child is conceived and born and should continue
to be forever.   
- It ties into basic constitutional rights of equality in almost all
countries in the world - including our countries of Canada and the US.
- It is a concrete, simple concept that every layman can relate to.

> Thinking that Equal Relationship or Eq.Relationship with qualifiers
> is the same is IMO ... wrong.  Not that I am trying to debate this
> (although I did debate competitively in University) just trying to
> clarify re "parent" vs.  "relationship".

> Your solution of adding the additional "equal" attributes IS MORE
> precise (and therefore probably useful in the language of legal
> affidavits) but not as clear and simple to something that means
> something similar - but of course not the same as EP is much
> stronger due to its basic truth and simple message.


Eq.Parent = Eq.Relationship + Eq.Time + Eq. Legal status + The Power of a
simple message 

In other words you get it all with just talking about EQUAL PARENTING as the
central (and powerful) message.   If all of us around the world use the same
2 words over and over it will be even stronger. 

---  "Equal Parenting"

> WOW!!
> What you had pointed out and the example you had used was excellent.
> You are right!! We should have the right to be presumed innocent,
> keep that bond with our child and have the right too a trial with a
> jury of our peers before any drastic changes are enforced. You gave
> me more inspiration to stay strong and believe that something good
> will have to come out of this. I guess I failed to realize that
> there are so many families facing the same dilemma. But if we can
> keep each other strong to continue to make efforts to make that
> contact with the right people so that changes can be made for the
> sake of parents and their children.
> This is very hard to have to go through. I don't wish this on my
> worst enemy. I just can't understand why this had too happen to me &
> my children.  Please continue to inspire me!!!

---  "What if you walk away from your child?"

That's why EQUAL, shared parenting has to be presumptive unless one
parent chooses to have less yet always reserves the right to reacquire
that 50% time....

> You might want to rethink that particular stand. Unfortunately, it
> might come across as suggesting that parents have the right to "pick
> up" and "put down" parenting for whimsical reasons, whenever they
> feel like it. Obviously there are exceptional situations like a
> parent in the hospital, or a parent stationed in Iraq, but almost no
> one is going to agree with the principle that parenting your child
> should be optional. If you are granted 50% time but neglect to take
> it, there should be a very serious, verifiable reason.

Yes, I think you are right and those words do require qualification.
Right now the draft Family Right Act is focused on what initially
happens.  But what about when you voluntarily 'walk away'?  I would
welcome any wording ideas you have, the whole act at

It would seem that if you go through a 'formal' process to give
up/minimize your contact that stipulates what will happen in the
future (almost like the process of giving a child up for adoption),
then that should be final.  I think my thoughts above were when a
parent didn't know about a child or drifted away?  It would take some

> Well, nobody could fault a father for not being in contact with a
> child he didn't know existed! But I don't see how you can just
> "drift away" from a child you already have a relationship with
> unless you are talking about a case where the custodial parent made
> visitation extraordinarily difficult. And if we want to prevent that
> from happening, I don't think we can have it both ways. If
> visitation is seen as a child's right, and not just a parent's
> right, then the parent has to make some effort too, if he isn't
> stationed far away in the military, or in the hospital, in a coma,
> or in jail. It isn't just a "deadbeat dad" issue, either. I've known
> several mothers who refused to visit their children even though they
> had visitation rights. They would make absolutely pathetic excuses,
> like "I don't want them to see me and their father arguing. It's
> better for them if I just stay away." Obviously they were focused
> only on THEIR pain, and not the children's.

--- Martin Brossman <>

> I am working on a Men's book, seeking the voice of men from all over
> the world, would you assist me by passing this note to men in your
> community or in any news letters you send out. Here is the write up
> about it. What ever you can do to help is appreciated. Thanks for
> the work you do to help men, Martin Brossman with the Men's Inquiry

4. Your FEEDBACK - on our Father's Day Message
We usually send out greetings for both Mother's and Father's
Day (check http://www.AKidsRight.Org/archive/archive2005).  Got some
noticeable feedback on this years message (repeated):

We extend our Best Wishes to all you Dads -- especially those of you
who won't be seeing your children this weekend.  And MOST especially
to those of you who have "grown" children who do not even want to see
you ... as a result of our present "system" of Family Law.  What a

Especially for those of you who have "orders" which don't even allow
you to have contact with your children. Maybe your spouse forgot the
human decency to help the children do a special Father's Day card for
you. (The keyword there is "forgot" -- not "doesn't have") ...... We
are all sorry. You can be sure the other people in this group, moms
and dads included, understand the feelings of pain and loss days like
this can bring -- and also the joy!

We all join in prayer for a happy resolution to the pain we have all
experienced, and most of all for our children.  And perhaps, one
special item to keep in mind, is that we always anticipate a "change
of heart" with our former partner that will allow us both to
participate in the lives of our children.

To get rid of crutch, "they'll never change."
To remove the excuse, "it was ALL there fault."
To stop nursing on, "I was the victim."

No, we don't expect you to both fall madly in love again, but:

To remember, "they are a good person."
To acknowledge, "they are my child's ONLY other parent."
To hope, "they will forgive me for what I did."
To forgive.

Yes, it sounds like pretty crazy, pie-in-the-sky stuff, but we also
know, "nothing is impossible with God."

--- Jim Pleace <>

> Great message; I will forgive when she quits hiding behind the
> system and grants me equal custody on paper and ceases to use the
> kids as pawns.

--- Gordon <>

> Trust me! It wasn't forgot, or did have. It was "didn't care" and
> "don't want to", and further "no one can make me"

---  Michael Cohn <>

> Thank you, at least for the first 2 paragraphs of this.  I could
> have done without the remainder of it, quite frankly, as I have
> enough pain as it is today, having now celebrated my fourth
> consecutive father's day in the complete absence of my 6 year old
> daughter.

> "We all join in prayer for a happy resolution to the pain we have all
> experienced, and most of all for our children.  And perhaps, one
> special item to keep in mind, is that we always anticipate a "change
> of heart" with our former partner that will allow us both to
> participate in the lives of our children."
>  ---- My ex suffers from incurable mental illness, and I have the >
>  professional > credentials to say that with knowledge.  I am
>  supposed to hope > for a "change of heart" ?  You have to be
>  kidding - I know better.
> "To get rid of crutch, "they'll never change."

> ---- It's not a crutch, it's a hard piece of reality for me.
> To remove the excuse, "it was ALL there fault."
> ---- You are right, it was my fault for marrying her, and also my
> fault for having the bad manners to put my face in the path of her
> fist.
> "To stop nursing on, "I was the victim."
> ---- See the above; I WAS the victim.
> etc.  I am not going to go on, other than to tell you that I
> generally enjoy your website and have the greatest respect for your
> courage in the face of serious adversity.  That said, I wish you had
> left off those last paragraphs.  Those hurt, and I am hurting enough
> today as it is.

webmaster@AKidsRight.Org             "A Kid's Right to BOTH parents"
Toll Free (877) 635-1968(x-211)      http://www.AKidsRight.Org/
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