Happy Father's Day & don't ever heal/ LEAD & Obama in Albany, Jun 17

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From: John Murtari (jmurtari@AKidsRight.org)
Date: Sun Jun 15 2008 - 19:02:56 EDT

Good People & People of Faith,

This message contains:
1. A Father's Day Greeting
2. Not seeing your kids - don't you ever heal!
3. LEAD Lobby Day in Albany - Tuesday, Jun 17 - Obama speech?
4. If a parent cries alone in the woods - does it make a sound?

1. A Father's Day Greeting
Best Wishes to all you Dads -- especially those who haven't seen their
kids this weekend.  And MOST especially to you who have "grown"
children who don't want to see you ... as a result of the system.
What a tragedy!

Most 'other' people don't care.  It happens, get over it!  After all,
men don't miss their kids?!  They aren't that emotional about it!?
It's no big deal? Just accept it!

There was also a time when good people thought segregation was the way
it was suppose to be -- that Blacks and Whites were different.  That
changed, and now the time has come for all parents to be recognized as

In the midst the pain we have, may we always anticipate a "change of
heart" within our former partner and ourselves that will allow us both
to participate in the lives of our children.

* To get rid of the crutch, "they'll never change."
* To remove the excuse, "it was ALL there fault."
* To stop nursing on, "I was the victim."

No, we don't expect you to fall madly in love again, but:

* To remember, "they are a good person."
* To acknowledge, "they are my child's ONLY other parent."
* To hope, "they will forgive me for what I did."
* To forgive.

2. Not seeing your kids - don't ever heal!
I went to a Father's meeting once and a counselor told us losing our
kids due to a divorce was very similar to a death in the Family. The
counselor then went on to cover the 'approved' seven stages of grief:

1. Shock or Disbelief
2. Denial
3. Bargaining
4. Guilt
5. Anger
6. Depression
7. Acceptance

It all sounded nice and I think some parents actually believed it!  I
only had one problem with it, MY CHILD ISN'T DEAD!!!!  The only reason
we're separated is a bizarre system of family law that fails to
recognize by basic human right to be presumed a FIT & EQUAL parent to
my child.... http://www.AKidsRight.Org/approach.htm

As I have said many times before, I'm very fortunate my son Domenic
and I have kept a strong bond through it all.  He is now 15 years old
and we started a six week summer vacation together -- it's wonderful
and I am thankful.  But have I 'healed'?  Have I 'accepted' what
happened?  Not at all.

I don't want that wound of injustice to heal until the rights of Moms
and Dads are recognized.  I often compare this present injustice to
the great crime that was segregation -- and let's not forget --
every time a Black accepted it and quietly moved to the back of the bus
-- they diminished themselves more than any white man could have...

Every time we 'heal' and somehow manage to forget our children and that
awful gut-wrenching pain, we diminish ourselves more than any court
could have!  Every time we become resigned to the fact our children are
alienated from us and may never truly love us again -- we have failed
in Faith and have failed to believe in the power of our love and the
goodness the future can bring!!!

3. LEAD Lobby Day in Albany - Tuesday, Jun 17 - Obama speech?
Submitted by: Deborah Fellows <dafellows2001@yahoo.com>

This is a special announcement. 

Several months ago I sent invitations to Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton
and John McCain. Only Barack responded.

I have heard from his people twice now and it looks like Barack Obama
will be speaking on June 17th at L.E.A.D.

Put your opinions away. If Barack Obama comes to this Family Rights
day in Albany it will bring national and international attention to
our plights. No matter why you are coming. As a mother or father or
grandparent or a supporting friend of someone that has experienced a
civil rights violation at the courts hands.

Spread the word far and then send it out some more. We've got 10 days
to L.E.A.D. Are you going to be there? Coffee and danish in the
morning - Lunch will be served later in the day.

For car pooling information from NYC contact Greg Fisher at
perfect100@hotmail.com or Mark Rodriguez at mrod2001@optonline.net
>From Buffalo contact Glen at Glenn@admin@mensreality.com.

Doors open at 7:30 am and we're looking for volunteers to help set up.


LEAD stands for Legislative Education and Awareness Day.  It will be
held on June 17th @ 9am-3pm Legislative Office Building - Albany, NY
Map to follow. (http://assembly.state.ny.us/directions/) This year's
LEAD is sponsored by Assemblyman Jack McEneny

What is LEAD? LEAD is a lobbying day for family rights groups and
individuals. Time to speak RESPECTFULLY to your law makers. YOUR
Assembly and Senate.

This year is an election year for each and every one of them. As far
as FaFNY is concerned it will NOT support one vote if they are
incumbents and are not co-sponsoring the Shared Parenting Bill. We
will be VERY active after LEAD to get this message across to every
parent and adult child in New York State and already have people in
position to run opposition to key members of the Assembly and Senate
seats to support Shared Parenting. Anyone interested in any of these
positions please contact Debby @ dafellows2001@yahoo.com

Appointments have been set up throughout the day to speak to Assembly
and Senate members. For all up to date scheduling please join the New
York Civil Rights Council - a yahoo group.

There will be a press conference and Key Note Speakers which include
the 2007/2008 Sponsor of A8627 "The Shared Parenting Bill" Assemblyman
Micheal Benjamin and Owen Johnson, sponsor of Bill S01349 the "same
as" bill on the Senate side.

If any group would like to set up a booth please contact Debby @

And lets not forget the National Rally to be held on August 15-17th of
this year. Book your hotel NOW. Last year it was pretty tough. Share
your room, share your ride, share your story.

Directions and Maps to Albany.

The New York State Assembly chambers are located in the Capitol
Building. Most Assembly offices are in the Capitol, Legislative Office
Building and Agency Building 4. These buildings are all part of the
Empire State Plaza complex in downtown Albany, New York.

The Empire State Plaza also houses many State agencies and
commissions, as well as the Empire State Plaza Convention Center, New
York State Museum and Empire Center at the Egg.

Driving Directions:

>From the North: Take Interstate 87 (Northway) to Interstate 90 (East)
exit, proceed east to Interstate 787 and take Empire Plaza exit.

>From the South: Take New York State Thruway (Interstate 87) to Exit 23
- straight through Toll Booth to Interstate 787, then take Empire
Plaza exit.

>From the East: Take Interstate 90 and cross Hudson River. Take exit to
Interstate 787 South, along river. Take Empire Plaza exit.

>From the West: Take the New York State Thruway (Interstate 90) to Exit
24 (Albany), proceed east on Interstate 90 to Interstate 787 South,
along river. Take Empire Plaza Exit.  Visitor Parking


VP FaFNY.org 

4. If a parent cries alone in the woods - does it make a sound?
Especially on Father's Day, I thought this should be a 'manly'
message. When men ask me why we aren't making more progress, what can
I do but laugh.  We are not ready yet... we don't believe.

Sharing vs. Equality
I find the new 'touchy feely' men like to say they want 'shared'
parenting.  What a nurturing and thoughtful bunch.  Can we stop saying
that?  If I give you a bite, I have 'shared' my apple with you.  I
know what I want - EQUALITY. http://www.AKidsRight.Org/approach.htm

Suffering vs. Sacrifice
I talked about NonViolent Action, that loving personal sacrifice can
be effective: http://www.AKidsRight.Org/civil.htm

Another 'man' told me, "Oh yeah, I have sacrificed plenty, the system
has put me through h$ll!  I've had to give up a lot of time to try to
see my kids, sacrificed my job and more money!"

I tried to draw a distinction between 'sacrifice' and 'suffering'.
Many of us have been forced to 'suffer', sacrifice is something we do
voluntarily.  We give, they don't take. Christ was not dragged kicking
& screaming to the cross?

"Wait a minute, what about what I give up for my kids?"

"Your a man, their father.  It's our duty as parents -- you want a
medal for that?  Now, you give up something to help someone else's

Revolution vs. Conversion
Most of you have seen the 'junk' that some 'men' will talk about.
That the system is foul, it is tyranny, it must be overthrown!  Hurray
for 1776 and another revolution!  Recently had the chance to meet a
few of these 'revolutionaries' in person, so I asked them, "Okay, so
how do you see reform happening, you gonna start shooting people?"

"No, no, I'm not violent, I didn't mean that"

"Well, wait a minute, you were just talking about war and oppression,
taxation without representation, the American revolution, is what you
said -- doesn't that mean shooting?"

"Well, maybe...."

"Isn't our goal just to change the way these people think.  To prove
they are wrong about us?  You want to kill them?  I've got some people
you should meet in the Middle East, they are called terrorists."

What's more important?
I talked to some other 'men' who were attempting to change laws in New
York.  How about trying a peaceful sit-in within the offices of
Gov. Spitzer to get him to pay attention to reform?

"Well, I don't know about that, I would get a criminal record wouldn't
I...  not so sure..."

"I have a pistol permit and have weapons at home.  If I do something
like that I might lose the pleasure of my hobby...."

"Wow, I could lose my job, maybe they wouldn't let me vote...."

To a person, earlier, I had heard every one of them talk about how
their GREAT RIGHT to be a parent had been violated.  That they would
do anything for their kids.....yeah Tarzan!

If it works!
A few days ago I was talking to someone very active in the reform
effort. They said something that really made me think, something I had
taken for granted, but they had no concept of?

"John, when you were doing your 'hunger-strike' what if the media had
not paid attention and no one had noticed.  Of course, you would have
stopped.  No need to damage your health when nobody cares?....."

If a parent cries alone in the woods - do they make a sound?  What do
you think?  Lose your job, lose your weapon, lose your vote -- and
nobody noticed!!!????  What a shame, we ought to avoid that.

Sacrifice ALWAYS has effect.
Now, this is where Faith comes in for those of us who 'believe' in
God.  And, I dare say, even the Stoic Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius
might agree, http://www.AKidsRight.Org/civil_back.htm

Many of us are Christians.  Was it necessary to have spectators at

The Divine knows of the parent crying in the woods.  The Divine is
able to act within time, to change what could be.  And if our
scriptural history means anything, it certainly shows the Divine is
attuned to suffering and especially our sacrifices.  The leaps of
Faith we make that change who we are.  Nature abhors a vacuum.

Father's Day manly advice - believe in yourself, your value, the power
of your love & just do it!

                                       John Murtari
Coordinator                            AKidsRight.Org
jmurtari@AKidsRight.Org                "A Kid's Right to BOTH parents"
Toll Free (877) 635-1968(x-211)        http://www.AKidsRight.Org/
A Kid's Right to Both Parents!
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