Family Law Reform - is it really worth it?

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From: John Murtari (
Date: Sun Mar 31 2013 - 12:00:08 EDT

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Good People & People of Faith,

For the many who won't see their children today -- maybe it's time for a 
gut check?  As I try to dig myself out of debt, I still read a lot of 
postings about injustice and the need for reform.

My simple question. "What is reform worth to you?"  What are you willing 
to give up?  Changes that are too late for you, but will help other 
parents & children. Through the years I've asked similar questions and 
the answer I MOSTLY get from parents (and forgive me for saying this) -- 
is very little.

Why is that?

Before reform really happens we need to understand this.  Why are we so 
fickle?  We love, we cry, we struggle, we give up, we move on ...

Some thoughts -- and I welcome yours!

*1. Our goal isn't worth it.*
This is a failure of leadership.  The dream isn't big enough.  We 
confuse first steps with real goal.  I've spent time sitting in jail 
cells (you really have a LOT of time to think).  I asked myself if I 
would risk peaceful arrest & jail FOR:

1) A 'rebuttable' presumption of shared custody - no.
2) Laws to change 'visitation' to 'parenting time' - you got to be kidding!
2) Better training for the social workers that take your kids - not hardly.
4) Requiring mediation before divorce - nope.
5) Have a group of health care professionals approve the best parenting 
plan - sorry.

Please, don't get me wrong. All of these things are nice. If all I had 
to do was write a letter, click a button on an on-line poll -- I'd 
probably do that much.But go as far as real personal sacrifice, no way.  
I wouldn't recommend it to
anyone else.  Would you?

Just not worth it.  Now, if you frame it in terms of a fundamental:

*Declaration of Family Rights*

That when a child is born, both biological parents have a right to know. 
A child has a right to both parents in their lives. Fit parents decide 
what is in the 'best interests' of their children. Good, average, & poor 
parents are Fit &Equal parents.

That you and your spouse have a right to be presumed Fit & Equal parents 
(equal in terms of both physical and legal custody).

If anyone (a spouse, relative, social services) wishes to challenge 
these rights, you have:

1) The right to counsel.

2) The right to be presumed a fit parent, innocent, and deserving of an 
equal relationship with your kids.

3) The right to protection of the unanimous verdict of a criminal jury. 
The "state" needs to prove you were a demonstrated serious and 
intentional threat to your child's safety and that you acted with 
mal-intent towards your children.

Yes,  I'd be willing to be arrested as part of a peaceful action and 
jailed. Your thoughts?  What is your goal?

*2. We don't have the Faith our sacrifice will matter.*
I got a great message from Stephen Metzger ( It 
was in response to a tribute to Dr. Martin Luther King and his methods:

 > However, Dr. King had a great advantage.  His crusade took place in the
 > context of "good Christians" ignoring the gospel.  Finally, good 
 > became good Christians.  The context in which we carry on our crusade for
 > parental equality has some similarity, but there is an important 
 > and that is, that our opponents are not Christians at all. They have a
 > political agenda which sets out to destroy the family so that they, as an
 > elite, can rule over a largely helpless and spiritually lethargic 
 > This is an agenda long in the making and diligently pursued by its 
 > A superb social critique, which outlines this history, may be found in
 > Christopher Lasch's "The Culture of Narcissism", published in 1979.

My response:

You bring up a good point, but I would twist it just a little.  It is 
not so much the lack of Christian Faith on the part of opponents ....  
but as I found it is the lack of Faith among proponents of reform now 
vs. then.  The idea of the necessity of unselfish personal sacrifice to 
promote a social cause and to help others -- is foreign to us?

*3. The Lesson of Easter & Jesus Christ*
For a moment forget Jesus Christ as the Son of God. Just stick to the 
historical reality of a man who had a new concept of our loving 
relationship with the Divine.  Who truly believed we were Brothers & 
Sisters.  That God was as real as a loving parent.

How much did he think his idea was worth in terms of sacrifice?

Our goals are much less, much more personal.  We don't need to be nailed 
to a cross.  But we have to believe in a strong goal, and have the Faith 
those ideals will take on flesh and become reality!

Happy Easter!


                                        John Murtari

Coordinator                            AKidsRight.Org
jmurtari@AKidsRight.Org                "A Kid's Right to BOTH parents"
Toll Free (315) 944-0999(x-211)        http://www.AKidsRight.Org/


A Kid's Right to Both Parents!

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